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Accountability vs Shaming: Call People In Instead of Out

Updated: Jun 26, 2023

Hey HolistiHub,


I've had this topic on my heart for a while. It's something I've struggled with myself, especially struggling with RSD from ADHD. It's also something I've experienced from others, and seen within my community, online and in person.


Okay, so we've all heard the term "accountability" thrown around in various contexts. It’s used in podcasts, blogs, and seemingly always to support an argument. But let's be real, it's often used to call people out and condemn them. Today, we're gonna get into about what it REALLY means to hold someone accountable. And most importantly, how we can do it without attacking and calling them out.



So, let's be honest, when we don't agree with someone's behavior, we tend to call them out and tell them they're wrong, bad, or even evil. But let's be real again, like bffr , this approach rarely leads to positive change. In fact, it more often than not, leads to defensiveness, anger, and resentment. That's why we have to start calling people in. Notice I said start, not try to start, not think about starting, but start. It's about holding someone accountable while also supporting them and helping them to grow.


One way to call someone in is to approach the situation with empathy. Instead of assuming that the person is intentionally doing something wrong, try to understand their perspective and motivations. Ask questions and try to see the situation from their point of view. This creates a more supportive and understanding environment that fosters growth and change.


Another thing is, instead of attacking the person personally, let's focus on the specific actions or words that we disagree with. This keeps the conversation focused and productive, rather than spiraling into a personal attack. And by separating the person from the behavior, it's easier for them to take responsibility and make a change. This makes the clear separation from guilt, which is productive, from shame, which is destructive.



Most importantly, in my humble opinion, we can, and should call people in by offering support and guidance. If someone is struggling with a particular issue, let's help them find resources or connect them with people who can help. This is a powerful and actual way to hold people accountable while also helping them to grow and improve. Plus, it creates a sense of community and support, which is seriously necessary in creating positive change.


At the end of the day, accountability is important, but it's equally important to approach it in a constructive and supportive way. By learning how to call people in, we can create a more positive and productive environment for everyone. So instead of calling someone out, let's call them in. Trust me, you'll be surprised at the results.



Happy Healing HolistiHub

Tell me your thoughts, questions or experiences below!



-Coach Steph ❤️

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